Status updates

What’s on your mind? Is the question everyone with a facebook is presented with when they logon. It’s nice of it to ask, and I am sure that for some people it’s the one time they are asked that question. What you have to remember is however interested it may seem about what you’re thinking about, the truth is. It does not really care, along with most of the people that are on your friends list.

Keeping people informed about the events in your life makes them feel more connected to you, and should be encouraged. But there are things that should be kept to yourself, and not plastered on your facebook for everyone to see. “Got the results of my AIDS test today, positive is good right?” 

It was much better back in the days when the things people thought about, stayed that way. But now there is no shortage of public forums in which to allow these whack job to express themselves. It used to be if you wanted to express yourself you would go and flash in the park, and a jogger would have their day wrecked. Now the same thing is done on the internet and people say it’s a metaphor for global warming and the GFC.

So no matter how tempting it is to answer the question “What’s on your mind” just remember, something’s are better kept to yourself.

Video Games Addiction

I like video games there is no denying it, I don’t even let the fact that I am not that good at them stop me. But it has got me thinking about video game addiction. Reports say that it is no laughing matter and that it is a serious problem among teenagers and adults alike. But when I think of video game addiction I can’t help but picture someone lurking around the streets at night offering people sexual favours for a turn on their Xbox.

One of the more addictive games out is “World of Warcraft” often referred to as World of Warcrack because of its highly addictive nature. I have played this game and I have to tell you, I did get hooked, but I managed to put myself into rehab and now have been clean for 6 months, and now playing Sudoku, but that is another blog all together.

As with everything even video game addiction has a silver lining, for example. It’s cheaper than a drug habit. You don’t need to leave home to get a fix. You can do it at work. You can pay for games with a credit card, and playing with other kids will not get you locked up.

I have to end this blog now because I can’t find my video game addiction patches, and can feel the urge to kill some trolls in world of warcraft. Must... Fight... urge! 

Haircuts

I am quite convinced that hairdressers have mystical powers. What other person would you not say anything too and just nod happily even if they are doing a shit job? If your doctor, instead of stitching up a cut on your hand proceeded to remove the entire arm, you might just say something.

I never talk to my hairdresser either, it’s not that I don’t have much to say to them, its that I don’t want to distract them while they are cutting my hair, and this could be the main factor in why I have never had that much problems with bad hair cuts.

On the topic of talking with your hairdresser, what do people normally talk to them about? I can’t image that our life would be comparable. During my last hair cut the hairdresser ask me what I have been up to so I told her, that I had been working on an experiment using a mutated form of Boolean algebra and digital logic to see if I can create anomalies in binary base systems in the hope of creating AI. To which her response was “So was that a number 3 on the sides?” After that I just keep my mouth shut, unless answering a question as to how I want my hair cut.

But I have a really good hairdresser now, so if you’re wondering who to blame for my good looks, well I guess it’s her. 

Advertisements

So in order to make a few bucks out of this, I have decided to let google place ads on my blogs. It’s a win, win situation as far as I see it, I make a few cents every time someone clicks on an ad, and the person that click them gets to read about the latest in abdominal exercise devices, and swine flu vaccine. See win, win.

My only major concern is. Does anyone even click ads in web pages? Or do people just see them as bothersome? I know that when I am watching a video on yourtube and I see that little marker on the time line I have my mouse in hand and ready to click the little X as quick as humanly possible.

But have no fear I am about to lay all your doubts about web based advertisements to rest. Well this is how it all works. Click on them! They make me money! I hope that was informative and answered any questions you have.

But sometimes when I am sitting down to write a blog I wonder if I would just be better off busking.

Internet Slang

I have no problem with the term LOL, but just be aware that by using it you are contributing to the death of the English language.

Have you ever gotten a text message form a friend that looks like this? “hi w84me @ pub 2nite, t2ul8r”. Before I got it translated I did not know if they were trying to talk to me, or send me nuclear launch codes. It was only once I had gotten the message back from the Australian army code braking division did I know what the hell it said. “Hi, wait for me at the pub tonight, talk to you later”

What is wrong with using more than 3 letters in a word these days? If Shakespeare was alive today and saw how much people are butchering the language, he might rethink his profession.

But the thing that really bugs me about internet slang is, I understand it! But I guess I should just shut up and accept that this is the new evolution of language, and that my grandkids will be studying us as we studied Shakespeare. I just really hope my blog is on the recommend reading list.

So until next time readers I will just say good day and t2ul8r

Victim of electoral fraud

We are currently in an election year, but don’t worry readers I am not about to get all political on you. After all I know as much about politics as a gold fish knows about fluid mechanics, when it struck me. I was a victim of electoral fraud!

I was in grade 6 and running for house captain, I ran a fair campaign I did not resort to smear tactics, or even Photoshop my opponent to make him look like he was having sex with the schools care taker. Not to mention I had some rather good policy’s as well. But this did not stop me from being down in the polls.

So in the last week of the campaign I came up with a genius idea to win votes, so with an idea inspired by movies I went to my people and said.

“Look I will not come around and bug you about not picking up your papers at lunch time, but just remember this is your house team, and come the end of the year and we do not have enough points to win, well you will have no one to blame but yourself”

Now everyone seemed to love this, because I was overwhelmed by support, I even managed to convince some swing voters. So come Election Day I knew I had this one in the bag, I had my victory speech written, and looking forward to being carried out by my people.

And the winner was... The other guy, the way I see it the teachers must have not liked my last speech about not bugging kids for not picking up papers at lunch time, and falsified the results. I got screwed.

So don’t go into politics because its run by grade 6 teachers and we all know now how honest they are

Poker Players

I love to go and watch people play poker, then tension in the air, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when a player goes all in, and also to keep up to date with the latest trends in indoor sunglasses and large brim hats. Just in case you are unsure why this is done I will explain. It’s to stop the other players at the table seeing when another player is bluffing, and it’s important to hide this, because I guess between gambling addiction class’s they also have a masters in body language.

As you look around the table of poker players one thing becomes apparent the size of the sunglasses gets bigger and bigger as you go around the table, and the hats get lower and lower to the point that you are almost unable to see the persons face.

Now this is what I would love to see the next time that I watch a game of poker, do away with the sunglasses, they just make you look like an idiot and still leave a large section of your face open for others to read. Instead I want to see full faced hocky masks, or if you can’t find one, then a kid’s mask will work the same, my recommendation is spider-man, or the hulk and for that extra bit of flare a large cowboy hat.

Magic 8 Ball

Why do I ask the magic 8 ball for advice, and then trust in its outcomes? I know it’s a children’s toy and that any response it gives me is completely random. But that does not stop you from thinking that it could be mystical, or that a witch doctor has preformed some kind of voodoo ritual on it at the factory.

Girl problems, financial advice or just if you should ware that tie out, the magic 8 ball has the answer to it all.  

Thanks to the magic 8 ball I have come up with a fantastic idea to make a few extra bucks on the side. I will call it “Magic 8 consulting” and it will just be me at the other end of the phone shaking a magic 8 ball, and charging $8 a minute, sure some people might call it a scam, but so is the ShamWow and that has not stopped them.

It’s large, black, looks like it should be on a pool table, and it has a little window on it. But that is your window to untold wealth. Just remember to indulge on the answer the ball gives you to keep them on the phone longer.

Camera Phones

Does anyone use a normal camera these days? I know I run the risk of sounding uncool by asking this question, but all I see are people using their phone cameras, I mean sure its fine for taking that quick snap of something funny you see while out. But when you are using it to take your holiday photos, then I think you have crossed some line.

When people look back at us thousands of years from now, what will they make of this sudden drop in image quality? That we got invaded by a less advance race of aliens, and they demanded that we revert our technology back to 2000? That’s not the message I want to send to the people of the future.

If anything good has come out of this new trend of using your phone as your main camera is, there is no longer any shortages of girls willing to take naked photos of themself and post it on the internet, all I need now is a faster internet connection to keep up with it all.

So remember. Using your phone camera while you are away on holidays is bad. But getting naked and taking photos of yourself in the mirror is good, unless you a guy then that’s just downright creepy and no one wants to see that.  

Gym Membership

They say two things in life are certain, death, and taxes. Well I have another one to chuck into the mix, gym memberships. We will all do it at one point in our lives, it could be your new year’s resolution, or to impress a member of the opposite sex.

I remember when I got my gym membership; I had found a promotion on the internet for a free trial with a particular gym. So I went in thinking. I am just here to have a look and see if I would consider becoming a member. But by the time I left I am quite sure I had been convinced to purchase shares in the place.

The people that work at the gym must be ex used car sales people or have a PhD in bullshit because they are so persuasive, in fact the guy that was dealing with me was so good that he had me convinced that if I did not join this gym I would be contributing to world hunger and terrorism.

So in conclusion gym memberships are like organised crime. Easy to get involved with, but the only way out is death.

Chatroulette

You have no doubt by now heard of the new internet sensation going around called Chatroulette. It was quoted by South Park to be “A meeting place for people from all over the world to come together and share ideas” So I gave it a go, and all I can say is, that I have never seen that many guys masturbating on the internet, EVER!.

But of course everything has its purpose, so people of the gay community who are sick of paying lots of money to watch men jack themself off, here is an awesome opportunity to save a few bucks.

This really reminds me of the days of the chat program called MIRC, in the sex channel. Where the channel was populated by guys trying to score some “cyber sex” with a girl. Little did they know girls did not go into that channel. Same goes for chatroulette today; it’s just a bunch of guys masturbating for each other.

I also wonder when these people will realise that there are no girls on chatroulette, and not ones that are looking for that anyway. But the MIRC sex channel is still full, so no time soon it seems.

Money

I have been thinking about money lately, and not just how to get lots of it without doing any work, I already know how to do that. But more to the point of, what is it? Where does it come from? And what can it do for me? But I don't know enough about the topic to answer those questions. So instead I have decided to give you my thoughts and ideas about money, and it works out like this.

If you have a little bit of money you want a little bit more. If you have a lot of money you want a lot more. But if you have no money, then you wash car windows on the corner of Hoddle and Johnston St in Collingwood.

They say money can’t buy love, and they are right, but it can buy intimacy.

You should not throw money at problems, through it at strippers instead; at least they take their clothes off.

Well that's about as much as I know about this mysterious thing called money. Now if you don't mind I have to get back to washing car windows.