If I was a wizard

You may think that I have been watching a lot of Harry Potter movies while reading the title of this blog, to that I say. Who is Harry Potter? No really, is he the creepy guy in my yoga class?

With awesome powers comes, laziness, it’s true, just think about it. If you had magical powers would you ever again have to work, get up to eat or even go the toilet for that matter, magic can take care of all that for you from the comfort of your arm chair. Don’t worry about getting fat however because magic can take care of that as well, put on a few pounds, just say the magic words and POW instant liposuction.

I say I would use my powers for good but, the point is power corrupts. So chances are what started off with good intentions would probably end up with me ruling the world somehow. Mostly however I think I would just be a nuisance. I would send elevators to the wrong levels, turn traffic light red for extended periods of time. I would make fast food healthy and taste even better, and fly around all day in a UFO and make people think they have just been abducted by garden gnomes.

So that is what I would do if I had magical powers. Leave a comment letting me know what you would do?  

Remote Controls

It seems that no matter what you buy these days it come with a remote control. If I counted up all the remotes I have in the house right now, I would say it’s in the double digits. We just had some ceiling fans put up in the house recently and to my surprise its remote controlled, even the lights are now on a remote. All I need now is a bar that revolves out of the wall and a disco ball that come out of the ceiling and that will be that… I will become a creep.

As far back as I can remember most devices have come with them in some form or another. It is my belief however that if the remote was never invented then everyone would be at least one kilogram lighter than they already are. So don’t lay all the blame the McDonalds, KFC for making you fat, it’s the other thing that you are holding in your hand that is responsible as well.

How many times has this happened to you? Sitting down in front of the TV, a show come on that you don’t care for, you go to change the channel only to find that the remote is not working. So you look back at the TV after giving the remote a good shake and think “I guess this show is not so bad after all” and you settle in and watch it anyway.

So seems not only do remotes control our TV’s, DVD players, HiFi Systems, lights, fans computers but, they also control us. Now if only I could find the mute button for some people.

She is just not that... ahh who knows

I sat down to write a version of “she is just not that into you” for males, I thinks it’s only fair since there is a female prospective on it, and who needs more help then guys when it comes to this sort of thing. But before I could even write the first word I realised, I am not the right person to be writing this, I don’t understand signals that girls give out I just figure, if they are talking to me they must be into me.

So instead I have decided to give you a different perspective on things, and it’s no longer really about if she is into you or not but, about things to watch out for, so here goes.

If she says “I don’t want to have sex until after we are married, chances are she could be a pre operation transvestite and wants to make sure you can’t get away before she springs the news on you.

If she demands money before she will even start to talk to you, and even more when it comes times to have sex, then you could have stumbled on to a sex worker on your way home from a big night out.

Last of all, If she says something about getting back to the mother ship with a life form from this planet, chances are you are about to be abducted but, who knows it could be fun. The worst thing she could do is give you an anal probing.