Voices

I have come to realise that some people have better voices then others. And the range of different kinds of voices varies dramatically. You have the high pitched screechy voices that make you just want to rip out your own ear drums. Then you have the people that don’t so much speak English, as opposed to just chewing on it and spiting it out.

And then there’s those people with sexy... sultry and seductive voices. Add that to a career in telemarketing or community help lines, and all of a sudden I don’t want to hang up on them. If someone with a sexy voice was trying to sell me something and said something along the lines of “Hi, are you happy with the service you are getting from you current telephone provider?” I would have about six phone lines in my house right now, and keep calling back three times a week for “tech support”

I guess calling a help line or tech support and talking to someone with a sexy voice is cheaper than paying for phone sex. Plus it avoids that awkward conversation with your partner when they go through the phone bill. But is spending the entire day ringing and hanging up until you get someone with a sexy voice really worth the $6.95 a minute you are trying to save??

Winter

There is something magical about the winter. The way you shiver uncontrollably when you get out of the shower in the morning, the frost on your cars window what makes it almost impossible to see out of. And the way the sharp winter winds seem to cut right through your clothing and get right down to your bones. Wait a second that does not sound magical at all. In fact it sounds like a mild form of torture.

The only good things to come out of winter is sleeping in on the weekend in your nice warm bed, and being able to ware hoodies and not look like a mugger, or a rapist. But even that is debatable.

Is winter even that important to have? I mean its winter in the North and South Pole all year round, so that should keep the polar bears and penguins happy. As for the rest of us, we are tropical animals and enjoy the sun and a little warmth every now and then. So until I see a polar bear walking the street, I say make it warm forever.

But with all this said, I am sure that come summer time I will be writing a blog about how much the heat is pissing me off as well. After all I am only human. And I think I just saw a polar bear walking out of a Starbucks.

Getting up

We all know the feeling. You are in the middle of the best sleep you have had in ages, and the dream you’re having is just about to reach a climax when. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! You’re alarm goes off. Time to start a new day! In another five minutes *SNOOZ BUTTON*

I find waking up in the morning is like ripping off a band aid, its best to do it in one quick swift action before you have time to think about it. Or otherwise I will lie in bed and try to convince myself that there is actually no reason to get up today, and most of the times, I succeed.

It’s not to say that I don’t like the mornings, I am most defiantly a morning person, and I think the hours between 7am and 12pm are the best parts of the day. I just wish sometimes that they could be moved to later on in the day.

So if we ever have an early morning appointment or meeting and I miss it. Well you now know it’s nothing personal. And I have just talked myself into staying in bed, and let’s make the next meeting at a more reasonable time.

Okay Twilight, that’s enough

It has come to my attention that this Twilight crazy is not just a passing one, and is going to be sticking around for a while longer. Vampires that fall in love with humans instead of using them as food, yeah, I can kind of see the attraction, who would not love to have a vampire as a friend; you would never get picked on again, well at least not at night.

But now this Twilight obsession has gone way to far, allow me to explain. Each year Forbes magazine releases the “Forbes fictional 15” it is a list of the wealthiest 15 fictional characters. Now for the last 2 years Scrooge McDuck has held his rightful place at the top of this list, but not this year. He has been knocked down to the number 2 spot, taken over by Carlisle Cullen. I refuse to believe this is correct, and that its Forbes way of jumping on the bandwagon trying to get more 13 year old girls to read the Magazine.

I refuse to live in a world that does not acknowledge Scrooge McDuck as the richest fictional character. For god sakes he swims in a vault of money and jewels the size of the empire state building, while all the Cullen’s drive around in Volvo’s. 

Animals

It is said that you should never smile at a crocodile, but why not? That could be the reason they are so pissed off, because everyone is being such a jerk to them all the time.

Being a city boy the closest I have ever come to seeing a wild animal is when my cat has a territorial fight with a rival neighbourhood cat. And I may or, may not have been chased by a kangaroo, depending on who tells the story.

Let’s talk about the food chain for a second; it is total human arrogance that puts us on top of it, that is all. Sure we have guns and all sorts of cool weapons like that. But if you put me in a cage match against a lion using only my bare hands, then I am afraid that I am not going to live up to my status in the food chain.

But I guess it is the fact that humans can buy animals and put them in cages, and do to them whatever you like that sets us apart. And that itself gets me thinking. How rich does a person have to be before they can own and entire species of animal. What amount of money does it take till you can say “Yes, I own ants, no not just 1 or 2 but the whole bloody lot of them” Perhaps then you could enjoy a picnic in peace. 

Movies

Is it just me, or does it feel like there have been no original ideas for a movie since Donnie Darko? They all seem to be remakes of old movies (done poorly) and books and comic books. But hell it’s all good entertainment right? And if you go and see them on a Tuesday then it does not hurt as much if the movie stinks.

Now we all know that there are certain movies that guys should not watch, and these are commonly referred to as “Chick Flicks” But you know what? Some of them are quite good. I like a movie with good dialog and in some cases it speaks louder than good special effects; I know that’s saying a lot but it’s true. What is the point of good special effects without good dialog to go along with it? For an example of this, just watch the movie with the big blue people in it. After all that movie is creepy enough as it is, connecting a part of your body to an animal and call it “bonding” I call it wrong and illegal, but what do I know.

I really hope to see some good movies coming out soon, fresh and original ones, and if that is too much to ask for, can the remakes at least live up to the originals. And can book adaptations please follow the book more closely. But before I go I have a message for the guys. Watch the chick flicks, it might even get you laid.

ATM's

I was out shopping today and came across this strange looking poker machine, so I put my card in and I won, it even asked me how much I would like to win, so I did it again and just kept on winning. I thought this was awesome I am going to have all this money to go shopping with. That’s when I realised I have been fooled again by another odd looking ATM.

I understand the lure of the ATM, a hole in the wall that dispenses money on command who wouldn’t love it. But why do people have to take so DAMM LONG using the thing? What are you people trying to do, trace back your family heritage on it? Do you think if you stand there long enough it will feel sorry for you and spit out a 20 dollar note?  

The biggest culprits of ATM loitering are the elderly, they take forever and I think I know why. We all know that some elderly people do not have a lot of computer skills and I am quite sure that this is the way they make up for that, they must think they can get in some practice. Or perhaps they just sometimes confuse ATM’s with poker machines.

But I am still fed up with people taking too long at the ATM’s. So when I become prime minister my first law that I will pass is. If you take more than a minute and a half at an ATM, it will chew up your card and close the account, because if you can’t take out money any quicker than that at an ATM, then you don’t deserve to have a bank account. Just stash the money under your bed; I am sure you could get at it quicker that way.

Dating

It’s the classic tale, Boy meets girl, boy takes girl out, boy says something he shouldn’t, and girl never talks to him again. Yes the dating world is cruel and for most guys it’s quite strange and a little bit frighting at times. 

Girls have a clear picture in there head of what they look for in a guy, and instead of just telling us and make the entire process a hell of a lot smoother, they let us work it out for ourselves, and then wonder why we get it all wrong.

It’s not easy being single; trust me, all you people in relationships who think you are doing it tough, think about this, at least you only have to impress one girl. And there is a huge double standard when it comes to communication, any message that a guy sends a girl must be elaborately crafted, witty and have some kind of joke in it, but it is completely okay for a girl to reply with just a simple text message, Come on give something back.

But you know what; the dating world can be fun, figuring out all the cryptic messages and decoding the signals, kind of makes you feel like you are on a treasure hunt. So stick with it, it should all work out in the end, and if not. You can always buy a wife form overseas. 

Netball

I watch netball for much the same reason I watch woman’s beach volleyball. I like the outfits they ware. It is also good to see that netball has replaced basketball as our national ball sport that is not played on a field.

The game has always been quite a mystery to me, I don’t really understand the rule but that is not what bothers me, and it’s not the fact that I think they should get rid of the net ball dress thing and implement a volleyball style uniform. What really baffles me are the people that play it. I know I might be very unpopular by saying this, but it really does not look like it involves that much skill to play. To say you’re a professional netball player means that you are really good at holding a ball without moving.

I also want to talk about mixed netball. Parents if you're son comes to you saying  that he wants to play netball, know that you will never get grandkids out of him, and you should probably have thought twice before letting him wear that dress when he was 5.

But despite all this I will continue to watch netball, but come summer then its, good bye netball, hello Volleyball.

World Cup

Once every 4 years football teams from around the world take the best players they have and join them together to play for their country in the world cup.

For most of us it means 31 days of getting up at ungodly hours, or simply just not sleeping at all in order to just watch a match, not to mention braving the cold weather to watch Australia play on the big screen in the city. But for the teams playing in the world cup it means just one thing, faking injuries on the pitch to get a free kick, and you would be surprised at how often it works.

Whenever I am out somewhere watching a game I often spend most of the time looking around at the people around me, and watching the expression on their face whenever a goal is missed, or the referees make a bad call and think. I wonder if most of these people actually give a shit about football during non-world cup times, and how many of them have quickly skimmed over Football for dummies just so they can be a part of the world cup celebration, then forget that the game even excites once it’s all over.

So if you are planning on watching the games this world cup, then I have a tip for you to help cope with all the late nights. RECORD IT!!!!!