Speed Humps

Since the creation of the wheel we have used it to propel ourselves faster and faster whenever we can. Then we realised it would work better if it was round instead of square and it’s been full steam ahead ever since. Then many years’ later health and safety was invented and, put a stop to all the fun.

I remember the days when you could blast down any back street at 100 km/h the wind in your hair and the feeling inside you that you were making incredible time, even if you had nowhere in particular to be. Then something happened and for some reason kids got bat shit stupid and stopped watching out for cars on the road and, so the speed hump was born.

I came to love these things when I was in my late teens and early 20’s because they became the most abundant form of bike and skate ramps you would ever find. It was not till I got a car that I learnt I in fact hated speed humps and will go to great lengths to avoid them.

Of all the types of speed humps in the world, from the standard curved ones, to the ones that almost feel like you are driving up the side of a hill. My favourites are the ones that are not really there at all. They look like regular speed humps from a far but once you drive over them; well it’s really just like driving over a small stone, if that.

Next time you are driving to your local milk bar that resides in some suburban back street remember this. Slowdown to 40, whipe off 5, and go slow over the speed humps that are located within 20 feet of each other. You know what. Fuck it. Just walk.

Traffic Lights

I have a riddle for you. What is orange, green and red but never at the same time? You can spend a lot of time looking at it in the hope that it changes to a colour you like the best, and can either make you speed up or, come to a standstill. Since the title of this blog is called traffic lights then I guess it make this riddle totally redundant. FML

Since I have been driving around a lot lately, I’ve had many encounters with these 3 toned sticks of death. I don’t know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like traffic lights are always out to get me and make me late for something. I have seen these things turn green and then no more than 5 seconds later just as I am rolling up to it, it turns red.

People have some very strange superstations and myths when it comes to traffic lights as well. Like, if you flash your high beam and blast the horn 3 times while rubbing your head in a clockwise rotation the lights will turn green. But telling these people that you don’t think that actually works and, they will always back it up by telling you they learnt this trick from a cab or truck driver.

At the end of the day I guess they keep us safe on the roads and that’s a good thing. If we did not have them life on the roads would be far more complicated than they already are. So remember, if you are at a set of lights and you catch eyes with the person in the next car, you have to race the. Hey I don’t make the rules.