Speed Humps

Since the creation of the wheel we have used it to propel ourselves faster and faster whenever we can. Then we realised it would work better if it was round instead of square and it’s been full steam ahead ever since. Then many years’ later health and safety was invented and, put a stop to all the fun.

I remember the days when you could blast down any back street at 100 km/h the wind in your hair and the feeling inside you that you were making incredible time, even if you had nowhere in particular to be. Then something happened and for some reason kids got bat shit stupid and stopped watching out for cars on the road and, so the speed hump was born.

I came to love these things when I was in my late teens and early 20’s because they became the most abundant form of bike and skate ramps you would ever find. It was not till I got a car that I learnt I in fact hated speed humps and will go to great lengths to avoid them.

Of all the types of speed humps in the world, from the standard curved ones, to the ones that almost feel like you are driving up the side of a hill. My favourites are the ones that are not really there at all. They look like regular speed humps from a far but once you drive over them; well it’s really just like driving over a small stone, if that.

Next time you are driving to your local milk bar that resides in some suburban back street remember this. Slowdown to 40, whipe off 5, and go slow over the speed humps that are located within 20 feet of each other. You know what. Fuck it. Just walk.