Pirates

Like most kids I loved pirates, sailing the seas, finding treasure, and the most appealing thing about pirates to most 5 year olds is the fact that you don’t have to take baths. I really wanted to be a pirate when I grew up, well that and a monkey according my parents, and it was a sad day when I worked out that I could be neither of them. But thankfully pirates are back, but not as we know them.

A call comes out form across the room. “Hey man can I borrow your flash drive; I just found a bunch of music on the net.” Cries the captain, “Na sorry dude I am using it to download this sweet movie” Does not have the same ring to it does it?

Today’s pirates do not sail the 7 seas, they surf the web, and instead of plundering and hiding the loot, they download video games and burn them on to DVD.

So my dreams of growing up to become a pirate might actually be more of a reality then I ever thought possible, but I think I will hold off form joining the ranks just yet. After all who wants to be a pirate that still has to bathe? 

The Internet

There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the internet, and people like to put a positive spin on what is essentially a giant waist land. So in this blog I would like to give you my thoughts and opinions on this thing that runs our day to day life, we like to call, The Internet.

I love it when TV commercials say something like “The internet is good for the entire family, the kids can research projects on it, dad can keep up to date with the news and mum can check her email.” Now let me tell you what is really happening. Little Billy is looking at porn when mum is not watching; Dad is also looking at porn when the wife is not watching. Little Sally is arranging to meet a 43 year old man who she thinks is 16, and mum is playing Farmville and maxing out the credit cards. Now that’s what I call making good use of modern technology.

I have never known anyone to use the internet to research essays or projects; the only thing they research is porn and pirated music. I say that we quit pretending the internet is something that it’s not. It’s not the place that your kids are going to be able to do the majority research for that upcoming grade 6 project, It’s not the place that dad is going to sit down at the end of the day and catch up on current events and check tomorrows weather, and it’s not the place where mum is going to share her baking secretes with other housewives across the world.

What the internet is however. Is the place where you are going to look something up to settle a bet with your friends, it is the place that underage boys are going to get there first glimpse of a naked woman, even if that’s not what they were looking for, and it is the place where you are going to be bombarded with people trying to sell you shit.

And if you don’t agree with me, then take off all the internet filters on your home computer, and leave you kids alone with it for a couple of hours. I dare you.

Cheats

No need to worry I am not talking about cheating on your partner or on exams, or anything like that. The cheats I am talking about are video game cheats. However there might be a cheat in The Sims to stop you from getting busted cheating on your virtual partner.

Becoming invincible, having unlimited money, and being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, all this is possible it’s just not real. Video game elitists in the world say that cheats are wrong and despicable and make the game less fun, I disagree. I think cheats enhance the enjoyment of the game, just not for a very long time, to be able to give the virtual finger to the games rules is well worth the taunting and name callings that come along with being a cheater. But at the end of the day who are these elitists that look down on cheating? They are a bunch of 13 year olds who get bullied at school and use gaming as they only escape they have, and see cheating as just another form of bullying. Shit never thought I would be adding to the bulling problem, not to mention bulling kids that are half my age.

To cheat or not to cheat, that is the question. Actually the only question is. Can I get cheats for this game? Otherwise I can’t be bothered playing it.   

Trying to become famous

Fame is something that eludes most people; even those 15 minutes we are all meant to get are hard to come by. Ask most celebrities and they will most likely tell you that they did not seek fame; they kind of just fell into it. That is all well and good for them, but what about me, am I asking for too much? Hell I would be happy with internet celebrity status.

So what measures have I taken to become famous you might say? Well I made myself a twitter account, and everyone on twitter is famous right? Wrong. So far it just been like talking to myself, so then I started up this blog in the hope of becoming a famous writer. But so far all that has forced me to do is, stuck up to all the other famous bloggers on the net. That’s when it hit me. The road to fame is paved by the ones that have already made it. And the only thing standing in the way of someone becoming famous is how much you are “willing to do” if you get my drift.

So it goes without saying that I have not found fame yet, but who knows what will happen once the desperation sets in. I might even start a youtube channel.

No-Reply

There is a little known phenomenon amongst my friends that we like to call the “Noooo Reply” To be kind to my readers I guess I should really explain what this is and not just jump straight into it. Well here goes.

Have you ever been out somewhere and you start talking to a girl? Things are going swell and you laugh you tease each other and not to mention flirting. So then you build up enough courage to finally ask for her number. Now you would probably think this is where the explanation ends, and this is the Nooo Reply, but that is where you would be wrong. So you two exchange numbers and go off on your merry ways. You start to text each other, and still things are going good, you still joke and tease and flirt, than after a few days you ask to catch up for a drink, and then you never receive a message back, ever. Then my loyal readers you have just become a victim of the infamous Noooo Reply.

I would love to conduct some research into why this is. But every research agency that I have been in contact with simply tells me, that it’s not worth the time or money to conduct the research. I disagree; I think every man in the world would like to know why.

Digital TV

Its midnight Saturday, and half of Melbourne has braved the freezing weather and headed down to Birrarung Marr to cheer on Australia in the 2010 world cup. It was set to be a good night, a huge screen to watch the game on, deep fried junk food to snack on, and the ever possible chance that someone would let off a flair. And we did get all that, along with, digital TV reception.

When digital TV was introduced it was meant to be the new revolution in television. Clearer pictures, 5.1 digital sound and a tone of you channels, is what we got promised, and you know what, they delivered on those things. However there is one thing they did not tell us about digital TV. That it is almost unwatchable when you are having reception troubles. At least back in the old days of analogue TV if you had bad reception all you would get is a bit of snow on the screen, now the picture flicks on and off and does block effect thing.

To sum up digital TV is awesome and I can’t wait until it’s fully integrated in Australia, but until then I am going to listen to the radio.     

A day in the life of Photoshop

Hi, my name is Photoshop, but most people call me PS for short. You should all know who I am but many of you have never used me before. And today I would like walk you through an average day in the life of me, Photoshop. Join me while I take the ugly and make them worthy of billboards.

My day normally starts out in a teenage girl’s bedroom where she uses me to remove blemishes form her face, so that she can use the photo as her facebook and myspace display picture.

After that I am off to work at a small advertising agency, to make the barging basement model they hired attractive enough to be put in a magazine. For you see it’s me who makes them attractive

During my lunch hour I like to hang out with my other buddies such as Flash, Fireworks and Dreamweaver and see how they have been, and what they are working on. But I just know those assholes are talking behind my back because I am famous and no one knows who they are.

My day ends with a massive server crash and everything I have been working on gets lost. So it looks like I will be doing the same thing again tomorrow.